The Garden Lady

Retreat November 10-12,2005 Image of chickadeees

Still Point Journal

Arrived at about 11:30, brought everything down to the cabin, put things away and now am sitting on the bed. With the laptop.

On the way, driving down one of the main roads, I saw a rainbow. The WHOLE rainbow, arcing across the sky. Beautiful, a sign? I would like to think so. Passed in and out of rain, some places were sunny, some were raw, rainy, and very much like a November day.

I have a couple of jugs of water here, will have to remember not to drink the tap water. The store had fresh Italian bread, still warm, so, I have bread, fruit, oatmeal (instant, just add water, which works here). And a couple of raw vegetables and apples. Plus, almost forgot, sharp cheese. Herbal tea and coffee, it will be simple.

I took a few pictures, it is small inside, so it wont be a great indication of the inside, but, it is wonderfully cozy. Now begins the quiet time, for now, I'm going to just close down and just sit quietly for an hour or so as my internal self prepares for retreat.

Will write more later. It is 12:20 and time to begin.

Thursday 3:30 PM

The first thing I did...after settling in was the first thing I do on any retreat. Sit back quietly, usually zone out for about an hour, then work my way into the retreat. Around 1:45 I had some fresh bread and a glass of water, then went out to walk the perimeter of the grounds. It is coldish and windy, there were flurries in the air but not enough to make anything remotely white.

The air was filled with the sound of the wind in the trees, and everywhere birds swept through the branches. It is quiet by human standards but the woods are alive with sound. The sun would peek out earlier in the day but the past couple of hours have been very overcast. In about an hour and a half it will be dark. I will have to step outside late and see what sound there is in the dark. In the summer, at Pyramid, (aside from rain) I could hear crickets and a night bird. I am not sure what kind of bird it was, the call didn't sound like any owl calls I know. And it wasn't the loons.

Before I went out for my walk, I had set the thermostat to 60 degrees in here. It was stifling when I returned! I've reset it to about 55, and see how that works. For some reason, and I noticed this when I've stayed at the Windmill, you don't need a lot of heat to make these small hermitages more than comfortable.

The only thing driving me a little bit crazy right now is the noisy fan on my laptop. But, that is only stuff...and I like having my journals in electronic form. Some "naturalist" I am (grin). It's the modern form of the typewriter.

Next on the agenda is to settle back with Thoreau. Be back later.

Thursday 8:30 PM

It's been dark out for 3 hours or more, and I read some excerpts from "The Thoughts of Thoreau" and from "Psalms for Praying".

Dinner was simple, a lentil and couscous soup, easily prepared by adding boiling water to it's own cup. And, coffee after. I understand now why water is provided...the tap water is sulpher water! I didn't have to worry about mistakenly drinking it. While I ate, which was early enough to look out of the window over the desk/table, the wind was blowing and trees swayed in the wind Not stiff and unyielding, but in tune with the forces of nature. I watched, and thought of how we tend to resist changes, or opening to new ideas, and we might become the stiff and unyielding ones. If the trees do not bend in the wind, they break.

The silence is dark and deep here tonight. I stepped out onto the small porch and just listened to the quiet. The moon is half-full, so there was some illumination. Inside, I turned the light off (I have the bamboo shades rolled down to reflect back some of the inner light) and looked at the darkness. It is so black it felt like a cloak. For my stay here, I bought a "light stick" which you bend, snap and shake, then hang. Works very well as a night light so I don't stub my toe during the night.

How out of tune we get. At home, there are streetlights which give some light to the house. You cant see the stars as well as you can here. We have become out of touch. Not necessarily bad on all counts but it tends to spill over into every facet of our lives.

Tomorrow morning, if I don't decide to get a little more rest than usual (this IS a retreat, after all!) I may try getting out to see daybreak come to the pond just up and over the small hill I am behind. Tomorrow will be more the "working day" as far as my thoughts and observations go. It will be interesting to see where this goes. I have made no plans, only to see what happens.

Friday 8:30 AM

I didn't get up that early, I was up around 7, then went out for a walk and took a few pictures as it got lighter. There was a frost last night, nothing here by the cabin but in the open fields the leaves and grasses were frosted with white. After the walk I came back and made toast and had some yogurt as well.

The light stick worked really well last night, but in the middle of the night I rolled up the shade and the moon gave quite a bit of illumination to the woods. I went to bed early for me (10 PM) and I lay there awake until it was about normally time for me to go to sleep (11:30 - midnight). The only sounds were the cabin sounds... the click and hum of the tiny refrigerator and the baseboard heaters. It was quite comfortable, I have the heat set at 55, perhaps the thermostat is picking up the wall temp, not necessarily the room temp.

Friday 3:00 PM

I got out for two walks since this morning. It's kind of chilly with the wind.

The camera (or maybe the photographer) is in one of "those" moods...not wanting to focus sometimes. There have been some interesting fungi around, and it was a challenge to catch a decent shot. Sometimes it is just the lighting.

Even mushrooms and fungus are so varied. Some are fairly plain, some colored and almost ruffled in appearance. One stump had dried fungi that resembled barnacles, and when I touched one it was paper thin. Very delicate. I did not disturb it further.

Right now, I'm debating on what time would be best to run over to get my shower. I will be using the shower in the welcoming house, this cabin has only sink and toilet. Just like my stay at Pyramid and no problem - I either go very early or very late.

Friday 5:45 PM

I had my simple supper of a cup of chicken soup and bread. I stepped outside and looked toward the other cabins a little distance away and could see lights in the windows.

Who else is here, and what do they seek? Is it just a time for a rest from the busy-ness of their worlds, are they finding time to find themselves, are they here with a definite goal? It is interesting to be here, and not to have spoken with anyone (except to drop off a picture CD at the residence) in 30 hours. Yet, the time itself has spoken volumes.

I watched the day slip below the horizon to rise in another hemisphere. Day follows night follows day...time and again. It is something special to observe the woods disappear into the darkness. And to know that even though I cant see the trees and bushes, and the little animals, they are still out there. Light is what causes us to see them, as inner light causes us to see what is always there in our lives, but is sometimes just obscured by the "darkness" of a too-full life.

Oh well..more thought and work to be done on my notes. After I read just a little bit more. Maybe.

Saturday 8:30 AM Got up at 6, changed the bedding and started packing some things. I went up to the Welcoming House around 7 and took my shower, came back here and made coffee. The sun is out, and this morning seemed just a little warmer out.

Last night, I think my plan was to get some rest. I started to read (early) and slept on and off all night. I have some tightness in my chest and I'm not sure if something's amiss. I'll check it out later, what I did was make Echinacea tea and just rest. And that was not such a bad thing at all.

This morning the frost was over the ground again, giving a white cast to the landscape I notice that the one tree outside my window was brilliant with yellow leaves when I got here. Today, this morning, the leaves are just about gone. I observed them letting go, one by one, yesterday. And so the earth, and we, prepare for winter.

It was wonderful here, everything I needed was contained in these 4 walls. I did spend time wondering - how much would need to be cut back to live in a place like this indefinitely? Not that I'm planning to, I have home and family matters in my own life right now but - how much could we really do without? My 5 room plus bathroom house seems palatial. I know I'll most likely go home, and get rid of some "stuff". Trying to carry the messages that I am still forming into my daily life.

I'll also be continuing to form the retreat program that is being developed (apart from this journal). There are a lot of thoughts and quotes other than this to be organized.

In one way or another, we are all seekers on the journey. Everyone is different and unique - methods are different. But, for those who are earnestly looking, the goal is the same (or so it seems) to find our place as it was meant to be. In a grateful and peaceful awareness of all that God has given us. For in focusing on the gifts of God that surround us, and less attention to the things WE have made we will find peace.

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